Tonight it’s about you.

 

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We began as two youngsters that needed their own particular tall tale. I should admit, it was supernatural. Each look, each touch, each inclination. Whatever we had, I am sure I will never have it with any other person. We grew up, and time is the just a single to fault. Possibly we met at the wrong time of our lives. Gracious, however I’m appreciative we had it. You showed me what butterflies felt like, you showed me how a kiss, can raise me to paradise. Regardless I miss that. You showed me not to offer up, to battle for my fantasies, regardless of how hard it gets. What’s more, I know whatever will happen, I will dependably have your source of genuine sympathy.

Do you recollect how we envisioned it all? Our little house, confronting the coastline. Two children, and an existence in front of us. Just us, together. For eternity. A long time later, we are adults, wrinkled by the day by day issues we needed to confront separated from each other. Tired of lying that we are content with what we have, glad separated. An investigate your eyes, and I could see my reality there. It’s all of a sudden about you, over and over..

A glass of red wine, from the year we dated touches my lips, and I’m helped to remember you, once more. The essence of it, helps me to remember your spirit, and I am not prepared to take the principal taste. You were constantly prepared to brighten me up, constantly strong, constantly careful with what I have been through. Also, reveal to me now, why did we surrendered?

They say the spirit is cheerful, when there is love. At that point I figure, my spirit felt joy when I had you.A tear drops on my cheek and I begin to shudder. Each memory of you, is vitally held, and prized.

I envision you here, by me, and I know you won’t have any desire to see my crying. In this way, I choose to wipe my tears and proceed onward. I need my cover up all over by the morning, prepared to experience one more day without you. Yet, tonight it was about you.

 

 

 

The good man can’t be kept, the wrong man is not worth keeping.

 

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What does a woman have to do to  keep the good man? The answer is simple; nothing. He cannot be kept. He will choose to stay, no matter what you are doing to keep him in your life. If he is meant to be, he will be. The problem is with the wrong man. Is he worth keeping? Does he deserve all the efforts you are ready to take in order to satisfy his needs? The answer could be no. If he wants you to go above and beyond yourself in order to make him happy, every day, he is not worth it.If he is not ready to take a commitment, and lacks in understanding stop wasting your time. He might keep you away from the one that really needs you, needs you efforts. The one who has the ability to fulfil you, to give you the sense of belonging.

Because, lady, you need to be sure of one thing: YOU DESERVE THE BEST. You deserve someone that allows you to be yourself, without any masks on. You deserve someone that will love you at your 3 a.m. craziness, someone that allows you to wear your demons with pride, and tries to help you fight with them. That is the one worth keeping. The one that is worth fighting for.

On the other hand, don’t you ever try to chase the wrong man. Stop trying to look for reasons to keep him in your life. If he does not want you there, leave. You should not try to fight for a spot in his life.  The good man can’t be kept, the wrong man is not worth keeping.

10 Reasons why I would have loved you better.

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It all started as a love story between two innocent children.  We didn’t even know what love was about; or how a relationship is built. We started with baby steps, that kind of innocent love from your teen period. A relationship from which you don’t have too many expectations,however, you hope it never ends. That was all about our love; we wanted it forever.

As we grew up, our visions stared to be different; too different I guess. Our life goals were changed, dreams were bigger and they were not achievable in the position we were. So, life separated us, after a blissful period. We improved each other’s views and I will always be thankful because I had you by my side, no matter what.  The question I keep asking myself lately, is what would I do in order to love you better than all the lovers you had after me?

  1. I would have supported your dreams no-matter what; You know I believe in you, I believe in your passions and I always admired your dedication and love towards what you are doing.
  2. I would have been the lover that waits for you to comeback in the middle of night, after you have failed at something; being there would have been a shot I would have taken, if I only knew that my presence will make you feel better; If I knew that you can be motivated to keep your head up after every failure you have ever faced.
  3. I would have been the shoulder you could always cry on; the one that can help you turn your weaknesses into strengths.
  4. I would have been the one that shows her love unconditionally; the one by your side whenever you needed it; whether if it was when you did not had a penny in your pockets, whether if it was after you decided to move away from your parent’s house, or whether the one that you needed to hear funny jokes from, in the middle of the nights in which you did not even hoped to smile.
  5. I would have loved you for all the truth you made me see in this world.
  6. I would have loved you  better than the ones that came after me; because I always had a connection with you; which I don’t see to be able to help it…after all this time.
  7. I would have loved you better for the person you became; and I would have appreciated every fall you took,because you always raised and improved on yourself; you never gave up, no matter how hard it was. and I still love this about you; You always fought!
  8. I would have loved you at 3 a.m in the morning, when you are lost in your thoughts and feel like nothing makes sense.
  9. I would have loved  you for the effort you put to build me a stronger woman.
  10.  I would have loved you better for the way you are passionate about God and His ways. And because of the way you turned myself into trusting Him again.

I know it’s late, but this is why I would have loved you better. You are perfect to me. Although time changed us, I am happy that I lost a lover, but I gained a best friend for life. Someone I could always count on. I may not have been able to love you stronger as a lover; but as a best friend, I love you the most!

 

 

One touch

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That’s what I needed. A sense of having you around. Forever, next to me. I felt the need of your fingers running through my body.  I needed the feeling of being home. Something you could never give me. Stability, the sense of belonging. Was I a caprice?  Was I something disposable? I always thought you don’t give up on someone you love. It seems we both have different views about that.

I often think about you like a mystery. I never knew too much about you. I’ve never been able to figure out your next move. This is what costed me in the end. As you left me empty, with a feeling of disguise. It’s the one moment when you believe in yourself, you built up an idea, a vision of a future with someone, and within seconds, he’s gone. That’s what I felt. I know no-one else will see me the way you saw myself. I will make sure nobody will ever be able to see through my real feelings. In front of you, I feel naked of my thoughts, of my weaknesses, and I don’t seem to be able to help it in any way.

Hopefully, in time, I will be able to look at you without any feelings, without any regrets. Hate was never an option, it will be impossible for me to hate a human being that showed me what love felt like. You were the person that held my heart in his hand, and didn’t know what to with it, so you decided to let down. All of a sudden. My path only goes one way now. Without any disruption from you again. You never had any deserving of me.And I am happy because I have finally been able to see through the real you; a ghost of the past.

Let’s talk.

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Let’s talk. Put your stuff aside. Listen to me. Your phone calls can wait, for an hour or two. Your Facebook notifications, will still be there at the end of the day.Make time for me and for my needs. In case you know what my needs are. Yes, I can remind you few of them. I am used with you forgetting the important bits…like our anniversary.  Well, I need you. The man that I fell in love with. The one that promised that I will always be his top priority. I need you to listen.  I want you to be there, when I am talking, not physical but with  your heart. I want to be able to feel your soul when I am talking to you. I need you to understand me, even if I don’t say too many words. Continue reading

I loved you more than you thought and more than I ever wanted to admit it

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If this is the last time you read something I write,what will I write about? Should I write about me or about you? Well, I would write about us.I don’t really know why, but this rainy day reminded me of you, one more time.   The person I left behind years ago, but seem to hold on to, with all the powers left.

I remember the days when I could trust your lies. The days when I actually believed how important I am in your life. Remembering all the moments when I acted like a child, hoping to feel even more protected and cared for by you.  This is what I remember the most, the urge of mattering to you.  Nobody in this world can keep a woman in his life if she is not feeling cared for. That’s how women work. We like all those sweet text messages we receive in the morning, when we are not sleeping beside you. And when we do, we like to be cuddled, we like to be cherished for what we are, at anytime…morning, noon, middle of night. We demand this, because we offer just the  same feelings.And when we don’t…know for sure that is the moment when we stopped loving you, the moment when we stopped caring.

Should I mention how sorry I am about how I abandoned you in the middle of nowhere? Practically speaking, we should have known that we could not  work  it out.  Even if we tried. And it took me years to notice this. Like you once said, we are different characters.  Don’t they say that opposites attract?

I could say  that I am thankful to you. Helping  me become who I am . Knowing what struggle is, and more importantly, knowing her worth.  Knowing what I deserve is more than you could have ever offered me. Even if, you could have at least prove some willingness and try . I have never been a strong person around you. Your eyes were always my weakness, and you were fully aware of this. You were the person that made me believe that I don’t deserve anyone better than you. What a lie that was. Now, years apart from you I met someone…someone who treats me at my highest value, some who appreciates my worth and respects me every step of the way. Someone who loves me at my highest value. This is what makes him different from you, this is what it makes him better than anyone else.

Whenever, Whatever.

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Today started differently. I opened my eyes and all I could think about was you. To be honest, it does not surprise me anymore, but today was more…intense. Imagine you build up your plans and raise your expectations according to a person, you plan it step by step, and  suddenly it is all gone. What if they will never become a reality? What if you will never comeback?

I tried to call, but no answer, the tears started to flow on my red cheeks as a river, and I cannot help it. When it comes to you, I become a useless person, which cannot think about its own good, but yours.

Today I realised that some persons are supposed to remain in the past no matter on how much we would like to change that fact. I understood that it is impossible to convince a person of your own feelings if  their heart already belongs to someone else. In theory I should already be over you and start thinking about my new life. Maybe I should start planning on how to get used to waking up late in a Sunday morning and drink my coffee alone, in the same sofa were we used to make love in the Sunday mornings. Maybe I should start figure it how to leave you in the past, where you always belonged.

I hope you are very happy with the choices you have decided to live by.  I hope she will be a better lover than I used to be. A lover that supports you at your weaknesses and  encourages  you to become a better person, an updated version of yourself. More than  that, I hope  you will  think of me as a nice memory that fulfilled you at some point of your life. Because I cared about you more than anyone else, and somewhere in this world, I will always be there to help you whenever your dark passenger decides to come out. I’ve always been able to handle him, and I will always be there for you. Whenever, Whatever.