I wanted a real love. A real man. A real you.

  
Here I am again. Late in the night, thinking about you. I can hear the rain outside, I think about rain as a dozen of feelings within my heart. Every drop is a feeling, a memory about you. Sometimes I wonder why does everything in this life relates to you? Why do I need you in my life with everything I do? Before I met you, I used to be perfectly fine at making my own decisions, for myself. But then you came, and I started to relate everything with you. Every time I took a decision, I calculated the risks and the benefits for you as well. It only takes us minutes to fall in love, and maybe we cannot forgive that person in a life time. I know I have been wrong on choosing you. I knew from the start that somehow, you will end up hurting me. My mistake, I guess, I taught you were different, I taught about you as being the special one, that deserve the very best. I was wrong. Not everybody is ready to give everything to make another person happy, not everybody is like me…the problem is that I just noticed, you are like everybody.
You are ready to hurt the person you pretend to love, just for your own good. Feeding your ego is more important for you, than I would ever be. Why did I allowed this to happen? Why you? You was like a novel, I tried to read you, to understand you and to accept you as you are. I trusted every word you said, even when I had doubts.Such a terrible mistake, I guess a little bit caution would have hurt less now.
I found myself loving you. You showed me what I want and what I don’t want from the man in my life. It’s not all just about cute flowers and sweet words. It is the attention that matters, knowing that the you care for me, no matter what. Unconditional love, that goes beyond your personal ego. The ability of keeping the relationship real, without any lies that I will find about months after they happened. And if you decide to stay, here is what I wanted from the beginning , I wanted a real love. A real man. A real you.

Letter to my broken-hearted sister

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You are not just a girl. You are more than that. You deserve to be respected, loved. Only a man can offer you this things. Not a boy. You deserve the very best. And if he is not able to be there when you need him. If he does  not make time. Then, he is not the one. They say everyone has a soul mate, yours is just not him. You need to keep waiting. Because I know you will find the right one.  I am not saying it will be easy. You will miss his voice, his text messages, everything. But you are a strong person, and you will get over it. I am sure you will.

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You raised me up.

After being hurt, one day, I allowed someone to explore my heart again. It was not easy.Not at all. I warned him that my wounds were not healed. But he took the risk. He showed me the meaning of life. The sense of being taken care of, the sense of being at home. He knew how to appreciate and respect a woman, and this is what made me feel guarded around him.

There are men that know how to treat a woman, without having any expectations from her. There are men that are able to offer you answers, without you asking anything. There are men that would do anything for a woman, regardless how hard that may be. He is the one that offers all this without finding it difficult. Because he knows it is worth it.  Because when there is love, anything is possible.He raised me to the stars, just to prove me I was one of them. And this is why I stayed.

He believed in me, when it was hard for me to believe in myself. I might not be one of the easiest persons to live with. I know how annoying I am in the morning, when it takes him more than twenty minutes to get me out of that bed. I know how  messy I am, and how he has to ask me hundred times to have things done.  I believe it is hard to be around me when I am having an attitude, or random moods, out of nowhere.But this is who I am, and I am grateful he is still here. By my side, no matter what. Teaching me how to be more patient, more kind, more organised, more lovable.  Because this is what love is about.Making sacrifices. Caring for each other. Completing each other. Respecting each other. You raised me up. And for that, I thank you.

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May you always be happy

And I mean it. Even if it hurts me, I want you to be happy. I want you to find someone that will be able to offer you things I was unable to give. Someone better than me, who will truly complete you.After all the moments we had together. But who am I to keep you away from the love of your life?

You know I might not be the most perfect person in the world. But as much as imperfect I was, I loved you. With all the mistakes I did. With all the words I said to you.  Real love is when you give anything you have to the other person.  And expect nothing back.You gave me nothing, but tears. While I gave you everything I had. I loved you with all my heart. Every blood cell. Every thought. Maybe you did not deserved it. Who knows? Time will tell, if you deserved me or someone better. Or someone worse? Continue reading

Love can be sweet, but what do we do when it becomes bittersweet?

Letting time go, hurts. Sometimes it kills more than alcohol or cigarettes. They kill in years, you kill me even faster. Having your heart broken is the easiest part, deciding to move on, or if you can forgive, is the real challenge.

Standing next to the window, in the middle of the night. Remembering the moments we used to be together, making plans, dreaming about our future. Everything was real between us, no secrets, not a single lie. Something changed you. Love does not define you anymore. It feels like I have a stranger standing next to me. Feeding me with lies, breathing into my ear . My heart is so tired of you. Tired of beating for a liar. Not a single promise you did not break recently. Helped me to forget your mistakes,before you made new ones. It feels like a vicious circle I am stuck in. Continue reading