24th of June. The end of us, the beginning of my new life. The most difficult start I ever had to take, as I was forced to do it. I didn’t requested an existence without you. All I needed was us. Six years and a half years later, I was left alone in our two bedroom flat. The only place I felt like home. Empty. Worthless. Cold. All that you could give me, was a text message, saying that ” it’s over, I’m moving out”. No further explanations. My world ended with a text message, for a second I thought it was a joke, or a dare you had to do. I was very wrong, it was the beginning of our end.
Days passed, I slowly became a ghost of myself. During the first two weeks, my stomach rejected food, all I had was water. I’m not complaining, it’s just a good feeling to share how my days passed without you. Since you were not available to talk to me, I found my way out in drinking nights. Yes, I drunk alcohol. A lot. Days have passed, and all I knew was related to alcohol, cigarettes, and your perfume, used as a room fragrance. Yes, I was addicted to it. And I know it’s unbelievable, anyone that knows me, would believe that is pure science fiction. Wrong. It was the new me, or that’s what I believed. Slowly, I started to think about how easy this situation was for you. Did you called it freedom? ‘Cause it felt like a constant nightmare for me. Sleep, smoke, drink, repeat. For a almost two weeks. I used to ask myself what on earth I could have done wrong to deserve this, why me, why us? Was it the last fight we had? Was it just a phase? Was it because you were tired? Or maybe you needed space? I am crystal clear that the true reason is only known by you, and will never be shared.
All of a sudden, nothing else mattered. My university tutors started to call in about my attendance, my laundry was not done for almost a month, being sober was the hardest thing I had to do. Luckily, I lived in our apartment, and my family did not had to see any of this. I remember how empty the flat was, with all the furniture in it, it felt like an abandoned place. Still, I couldn’t leave it all behind. It still felt like home, even if your presence was very rare.
After the fiasco I made out of my life, you called, saying that you’re moving out, so you will come and pack your stuff. I may have possessed the capacity to conceal the tears behind my voice, as my heart began to break into pieces. However, I somehow needed to hide all I have done prior to your visit, so I decided to go sober, two days before. What a good thing to do. So, I put my mask on, and wore it like a real actress. I hope you believed it, as that was one of the hardest day of my life.
To be continued…