I lost a man, you lost a woman that truly loved you…

Remember the old days? Yeah those days when the world was at our feet. We thought that we could do so much…together. Life did not believed the same,so here we are.

Two strangers, sharing memories over the past years. Two strangers that know each other so well, we could guess each other’s next move. But this was not how it was supposed to be. Not now. Not us.  The innocence of two children, hoping to achieve so much together. Hoping to grow old, together. 

I used to look into your eyes, and see the universe. Used to. Because now it’s all empty. Nothing.Blank.  All gone within seconds, without any warning. You crushed all the love under your foot. And left. You left me alone in a world I cannot live without you. In a world where I needed you the most, with your good and bad moments, with your strengths and weaknesses, with your wispers and screams.

Even if, your love killed me, I would have wished to die, rather than being punished to live in a world where breathing does not make sense. The world does not make  sense, not without you.  Why telling you this? Why complaining about a love that has already became ashes? It keeps me going on. It makes me believe, that at least, you will figure out, the truth. Yes, you destroyed me, yes I lost you, but you lost a woman that truly loved you.

Faded memories

To my ethernal love,

Few years ago, I would have never imagined that life will start playing with me so much. All I knew was that I needed to achieve my dreams and goals, that the love of my life will propose and we will live happily ever after. All I neeeded was him and oxygen. Although, I think I would have given up on oxygen for him. 

Now, couple of years later, I have nothing but empty ash trays and faded memories. It’s not us anymore, it’s me  and you, just like in business; two separate entities.  If you ask me, I would have given you everything. Unlike you, the one that decided to give up on me.  Why should I hold on when all it does is hurting?  All I needed was us and nothing more. Suddenly you decided it was not enough.  Or maybe I was not enough for you. It is hard when you live within an illusion and you are stupid enough to believe lies and promises  . The one that made me climb to heaven, but dropped  me straight to hell,  with the first occassion.

The choice has been made, and it ended all here. Dreams.Hopes.Plans. All gone. Within seconds. I gues this is the end of us. Two foolish children dreaming about how they could have conquer the world together.  We don’t have time for any regrets, or for any throwbacks. But there’s always time for moving on. 

So, my dear love all I wish you is the very best. I wish you to be patient and kind.  I wish you loads of love and passion.  I wish you find someone that will give you all I couldn’t give to you.  And if  you will ever miss me, all you have to do is look up in the sky. And I will always pray for your peace and happiness. You were my happiness, and I was your joke.

Your lost memory,


A.



Be a gentleman

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Be a gentleman. The one that still opens doors, into a society that keeps closing them.  Be a man that buys her flowers, even if it’s not her birthday or your anniversary. Be the guy that makes her smile, even when she finds it difficult to breathe. Be the one you were not, when I loved you.  Although, you are easy to be loved regardless of this. BE the one.  For her.

Because she needs it. Stop stepping on souls, just to find your peace. Stop playing with the hearts of the ones around you. You cannot complete a puzzle that has missing pieces. Start completing this pieces by  understanding your soulmate. You should appreciate when somebody gives  you everything. I gave you all, you just did not know how to keep it.  But be the one for her. Listen to her, when she speaks, not her words, but listen to her soul. If you only knew…how many times my eyes where teared,  how many times I tried to make you listen. Make you be there with your heart. Please, do not make the same mistake. If you feel she is the one, be the one for her, if not, let her know. Why keep on something that will not last anyway? Why keep on something just for fun? This is my 3 a.m message for you, and I hope  you will understand it, at least until it’s not too late.

She will not be there forever,even if that’s what you both think now. Eventually, she will leave, just like I did. Because women are used to be cared for, we expect protection from our partners. If you are not around, how does that makes you a man? Your manhood is not counted on how many beers you can handle when you go out with your friends. Your manhood is not counted based on the highest speed you can drive with. Your manhood is counted based on the woman you choose to have around you. Please be wise. Show her that is is worth it. Try to prove that you constantly deserve her. And she will be yours. Forever. But, please, Be a gentleman.

In your arms…

It just feels like home. The place where I belong, the place I always belonged to. Next to you.Feeling your breath on my neck makes me feel safe. Knowing I am watched over by my marvelous angelic human. It was never this peaceful. Never so calm.

I always needed you. I needed you to make me feel wanted.Loved.Spoiled. Being around you makes me lose my thoughts. You are the oxygen I hope to breath until the end. You are all I always wanted. All I could dream about. You made everything look alive. I never dared to believe in myself. Because of you, I know who I am now.You made me a better person, in all the possible ways. 

The feeling of waking up at 3a.m watching over your flawless eyelashes, those are the moments I want to be infinite. I want you to be infinite. Because my love is.

You changed me. You loved me with your all blood cells. At my better and my worst.And I am forever grateful to…YOU. 

A.R❤️ 

 

I wanted a real love. A real man. A real you.

  
Here I am again. Late in the night, thinking about you. I can hear the rain outside, I think about rain as a dozen of feelings within my heart. Every drop is a feeling, a memory about you. Sometimes I wonder why does everything in this life relates to you? Why do I need you in my life with everything I do? Before I met you, I used to be perfectly fine at making my own decisions, for myself. But then you came, and I started to relate everything with you. Every time I took a decision, I calculated the risks and the benefits for you as well. It only takes us minutes to fall in love, and maybe we cannot forgive that person in a life time. I know I have been wrong on choosing you. I knew from the start that somehow, you will end up hurting me. My mistake, I guess, I taught you were different, I taught about you as being the special one, that deserve the very best. I was wrong. Not everybody is ready to give everything to make another person happy, not everybody is like me…the problem is that I just noticed, you are like everybody.
You are ready to hurt the person you pretend to love, just for your own good. Feeding your ego is more important for you, than I would ever be. Why did I allowed this to happen? Why you? You was like a novel, I tried to read you, to understand you and to accept you as you are. I trusted every word you said, even when I had doubts.Such a terrible mistake, I guess a little bit caution would have hurt less now.
I found myself loving you. You showed me what I want and what I don’t want from the man in my life. It’s not all just about cute flowers and sweet words. It is the attention that matters, knowing that the you care for me, no matter what. Unconditional love, that goes beyond your personal ego. The ability of keeping the relationship real, without any lies that I will find about months after they happened. And if you decide to stay, here is what I wanted from the beginning , I wanted a real love. A real man. A real you.

Letter to my broken-hearted sister

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You are not just a girl. You are more than that. You deserve to be respected, loved. Only a man can offer you this things. Not a boy. You deserve the very best. And if he is not able to be there when you need him. If he does  not make time. Then, he is not the one. They say everyone has a soul mate, yours is just not him. You need to keep waiting. Because I know you will find the right one.  I am not saying it will be easy. You will miss his voice, his text messages, everything. But you are a strong person, and you will get over it. I am sure you will.

Continue reading

You raised me up.

After being hurt, one day, I allowed someone to explore my heart again. It was not easy.Not at all. I warned him that my wounds were not healed. But he took the risk. He showed me the meaning of life. The sense of being taken care of, the sense of being at home. He knew how to appreciate and respect a woman, and this is what made me feel guarded around him.

There are men that know how to treat a woman, without having any expectations from her. There are men that are able to offer you answers, without you asking anything. There are men that would do anything for a woman, regardless how hard that may be. He is the one that offers all this without finding it difficult. Because he knows it is worth it.  Because when there is love, anything is possible.He raised me to the stars, just to prove me I was one of them. And this is why I stayed.

He believed in me, when it was hard for me to believe in myself. I might not be one of the easiest persons to live with. I know how annoying I am in the morning, when it takes him more than twenty minutes to get me out of that bed. I know how  messy I am, and how he has to ask me hundred times to have things done.  I believe it is hard to be around me when I am having an attitude, or random moods, out of nowhere.But this is who I am, and I am grateful he is still here. By my side, no matter what. Teaching me how to be more patient, more kind, more organised, more lovable.  Because this is what love is about.Making sacrifices. Caring for each other. Completing each other. Respecting each other. You raised me up. And for that, I thank you.

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May you always be happy

And I mean it. Even if it hurts me, I want you to be happy. I want you to find someone that will be able to offer you things I was unable to give. Someone better than me, who will truly complete you.After all the moments we had together. But who am I to keep you away from the love of your life?

You know I might not be the most perfect person in the world. But as much as imperfect I was, I loved you. With all the mistakes I did. With all the words I said to you.  Real love is when you give anything you have to the other person.  And expect nothing back.You gave me nothing, but tears. While I gave you everything I had. I loved you with all my heart. Every blood cell. Every thought. Maybe you did not deserved it. Who knows? Time will tell, if you deserved me or someone better. Or someone worse? Continue reading

Love can be sweet, but what do we do when it becomes bittersweet?

Letting time go, hurts. Sometimes it kills more than alcohol or cigarettes. They kill in years, you kill me even faster. Having your heart broken is the easiest part, deciding to move on, or if you can forgive, is the real challenge.

Standing next to the window, in the middle of the night. Remembering the moments we used to be together, making plans, dreaming about our future. Everything was real between us, no secrets, not a single lie. Something changed you. Love does not define you anymore. It feels like I have a stranger standing next to me. Feeding me with lies, breathing into my ear . My heart is so tired of you. Tired of beating for a liar. Not a single promise you did not break recently. Helped me to forget your mistakes,before you made new ones. It feels like a vicious circle I am stuck in. Continue reading